Not Separate
by Cyrano of Notre Dame
Summary: Finny loves Gene, he always has, Gene feels the same way and one frigid winter night they tell each other. But can they keep their love a secret in the puritanical and intensely homophobic atmosphere of Devon boarding school? Or will they be torn apart?
1. Frozen Sheets, Burning Hearts

( Note: this is a oneshot , ... _for now _, if you want me to continue the saga or think i should let it end here , let me know. P.S i don't own the characters or the book)

**Frozen Sheets , Burning Hearts**

Outside the wind was tearing through the skeletal trees , the moon was smothered in winter clouds , and the mercury on the thermometer was frozen at -17 F , New England winters were fierce. And inside wasn't a whole lot better. The wind's scream was deadened by windows , and a small heater made the dorm room a bearable , but definitely not a comfortable , 55F.

But Gene didn't seem to notice the cold or the wind, he just kept reading , turning page after page , like clockwork , deaf to the shrieking wind.

_**There are a lot of things**__**Gene doesn't notice**_**, **

Finn thought , staring at his best friend and room mate while pretending to work on translating a page of Latin.

_**Like me**_.

Well , that wasn't entirely true , sure they were friends , great friends , so of course Gene noticed him ,just not the way he wanted to be noticed. No matter how hard he tried Gene just treated him like a friend , a pal , and nothing more , and he had tried so hard! All the idiotic , dangerous stunts he pulled , all the outrageous trouble he got into and out of! Every time he jumped out of a tree , or climbed on the steel girders that criss crossed the gymnasium , he hoped , prayed , that Gene would do… something! Tell him " No don't!" " You'll hurt yourself!" , show some concern , something. But he never did , he either just stood there watching or egged him on like the others , like you'd expect any teenage friend to do.

But Finny wanted more , _needed_ more than friendship. It was torture , insane , beautiful torture , that he wouldn't have given up for the world , but still torture , sharing a room with the boy he loved. Sometimes he'd roll over on his side in the dead of night and just gaze at Gene sleeping in his bed across the room. A few feet , that was all physically separating him from what he thought every day he'd die from not having. But of course , the strongest and most impassable barriers are never merely physical. If they'd been separated by a wall , a mountain , an ocean , God knows Finny would find a way to overcome them. But the only thing standing in his way was Gene , and he could never jump , climb , or hurtle past him.

True , Gene had never had a girlfriend , what's more , he'd never expressed even a slight interest in one . But that could be because he was so smart , and shy , and by the way , he'd made it abundantly clear how he felt about "fairies". But maybe , just maybe , Gene wasn't interested in girls at all , and maybe he and Gene could someday have a life together , just a house by the coast , and just the two of them , and only one bed , and every night they would…

"Goodnight Finn." Gene's voice snapped Phineas out of his romantic dreams. Gene had turned off his lamp and was lifting the mountain of blankets that rose above his bed up so he could squeeze in between them.

"Oh , Yeah , goodnight Gene." Even when he said his name Finny felt like he would die if he didn't just reach out , place his hand gently on Gene's perfect , smooth cheek , and kiss him. Oh , what he'd do for just a meaningful hug…

"Finny?" Gene asked , now buried under the range of quilts , though still freezing.

"Yes?"

"Would you want to , sleep over here tonight?"

Finn didn't know , what to think , he couldn't think. He'd dreamt of something like this for so long , even though he was sure Gene didn't mean what he had been fantasizing about for months.

" I mean , your bed's right by the window , and it's cold as hell outside , I just thought …."

" Yeah , sure."

Finny killed the light from his own desk lamp and was kicking his shoes off in front of Gene's bed. Before he even realized what he was doing he was under the mound of sheets with Gene not two inches away from him.

" God , even the sheets are freezing!" He commented once he was settled.

"It'll warm up eventually." Gene said , he had rolled his head over to look at Finn. When he talked his cold breath mixed with the air around their heads.

_**His breath smells like oranges**_. Finny thought. Finny suddenly had a new favorite fruit.

"So , how was your book?" Phineas twisted his face in anger and embarrassment after having said something that sounded so stupid . He hoped Gene didn't notice.

" A little slow at first , but I'm really starting to like it…"

As it turned out Finn's question wasn't as stupid as he thought. Gene had been reading "The Metamorphoses" by Ovid , or course Gene would like something like that ancient , and difficult. Gene started telling Finn about it in detail , pronouncing all the impossible Greek names like they were the names of his close friends. Finny loved it when Gene got like this , impassioned about something he loved . He wished he could hear Gene talk about him with the same power and enthusiasm.

They were both on their sides , facing each other , their faces not five inches apart. Gene went on and on , seemingly without any end or beginning , he told Finn about the ancient myths , the Olympian Gods , the mortals , both cursed and blessed , the heroes , and all the tragic romances.

Finn was in heaven , or at least the only heaven he was bold enough to imagine. Gene just talking to him , like there was no one else in the world , and there never had been , and there never would be. Never before had the desire to pour out his feelings to Gene been stronger , and never before had he been so afraid of what would happen if he did. He could picture Gene jumping out of bed , yelling insults at him and then running away , never to see him again. He felt sure if that happened he would die , he wouldn't kill himself , simply die , that is , after all , what happens when you have nothing to live for.

" And so the Hyacinth bears the mark of Apollo's grief to this , *whauuh* day.."

_**He looks so cute when he yawns**_**. **

" I need to sleep , … I think the sheets have warmed up." Gene said yawning again.

"Good night Gene."

It took an reservoirs of self control Finn never knew he had to not reach out and stroke Gene's lean , perfect face as he squirmed around in the bed to get comfortable. He finally sighed contentedly , and settled , still facing Finn. Phineas settled down next to him , but just couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. As the moments passed and he grew more sleepy he began thinking of what it must feel like to touch Gene's forehead , to run his fingers through his hair , to brush Gene's lips with his. Then , before he knew what he was doing , he saw his hand reach out and ever so lightly rest on Gene's cheek. As soon as he understood what he had done , was doing , that this wasn't a dream , he felt Gene's warm hand grab the one caressing his face. Finn tried to pull it away but Gene held in in place , resting on his cheek.

" Don't let go." Gene said , opening his eyes that had never really been asleep. "Don't"

" I won't."

For Finny all higher brain function had ceased , he didn't know if this was a dream or reality , and he didn't care. Thinking was useless in a time like this , caressing the one you loved on a frigid January night , while you were safe and warm not because of the sheets but because of each other. He was , at that moment , pure emotion.

" Kiss me." Gene whispered , leaning in closer.

Finn brought his lips to Genes and felt the world disappear. There was no school , no dorms , no room , there wasn't even a bed .There was only them and they were together and they each felt like a god in the others arms. They didn't need to talk , not verbally , they knew what tonight was and what it wasn't. tonight would be a perfect memory , a dream that would always be as spotless and immaculate as the moon that sailed the waters of the night. To let fiery lust hold sway would be to taint an otherwise perfect moment in time. Sex was another memory for another night and it belonged to another day. They were happy and fulfilled to kiss , to caress , to embrace , to do what they never thought possible. They drifted away to sleep in each other's warmth , no longer two friends , but one heart.

"I love you Gene." Finny said , he knew he didn't have to but he always wanted to remember this as the night that he told Gene he loved him.

" I love you too Finn ," Gene said holding him a little tighter " I always have."


	2. Separation Anxiety

Separation Anxiety

Gene awoke feeling happily secure and extremely comfortable. This puzzled him for a moment before he was fully coherent. Why such feeling? Exams coming up, Geometry shabby to say the least, and that wind last night! So bitter and howling, so very frigid you felt your blood would freeze if you kept still for too long. And then climbing into that ice box of a bed….Ah!

Now he knew why he felt the unusual elation rising as he became less groggy and more fully awake. Finn. He felt the warm, strong body next to his; felt the soft, firm hand pressed against his shoulder. And still he was afraid to open his eyes. Would this turn out to be a dream or an illusion like all the others? All the countless times he'd dreamt Finn was sleeping sweetly beside him , only to wake up alone again in a cold bed with Finn in his own world three feet away. He felt legs shift against his own and heard a slight murmur as the warm bundle that's was Finny moved slightly in sleep. That tore it. He opened his eyes and thanked every god under the sun that this was no phantasm, it was real. Finny, his friend, well more than friend now, was sleeping like a beautiful Adonis, curled up against Gene's own lean frame for warmth. The sun was shining in his eyes and Gene could tell by the way he fidgeted every few moments that he was slowly waking up. Rising to the surface of the day from the unknown depths of dreams. He wanted to savor this moment.

Would things ever be so perfect again? He wanted to believe they would be, and better, but from a dark corner of his mind a thought whispered "This cannot last." "Enjoy it now; we will never pass this way again!" He dispelled them as best he could , starring at Finn's peaceful face , his mouth curling into a slight smile at the edges , his thick , curly brown hair turned to amber in the rays of the rising sun, everything seemed heavenly.

Suddenly the bell of the Devon clock tower bellowed the seventh hour, the silence was broken. And even after the sonorous tones had died away they seemed to leave a ghost of their sound, faintly audible in the morning.

Phineas was smiling; eyes still shut tight, a wide smile that showed his glistening teeth. He appeared to be, as he often was, on the brink of laughter.

"Well you managed to get me into your bed anyway, you wicked, wicked man." He said pulling Gene down towards him into a possessive on armed hug. An embrace that reminded Gene of the way his sister held her teddy bear at night.

"You didn't make it very difficult either." Gene said, reluctantly detaching himself from Finn's hug. He started to get out of bed. "The only time I've seen you move faster to get somewhere was after the last bell during finals."

Phineas pulled Gene down from behind. They landed, Gene on top of Finn, on the bed with a slight cushioned muffling sound.

"Just a few more minutes Gene." Finn implored, closing his eyes as if to sleep again.

"I'd love to, Finn, you know I would." Gene answered, tenderly but resolutely tearing away from Phineas' arms. "But I have History in twenty minutes and you have you have Trigonometry in ten."

"To hell with Trig and all the rest!" Phineas said.

"You know I'd like nothing better than to stay Finn, you know that." Gene sat down on the side of the bed and wrapped an arm around Finn's shoulder. "But we have to go on with school and work and the rest of it, no matter how much we don't want to. We'd be like the original humans in that myth from the Symposium otherwise."

The sober reality of Gene's words didn't make Phineas any more willing to accept them.

"What about the humans in the Symposium?" Finn asked as he got up and helped Gene make the bed, trying to prolong any conversation.

"Just some stupid myth Plato made up. I'll tell it to you sometime." Gene was throwing on some clothes and preparing to leave when Finn stopped him.

"We'll have lunch of course, and Latin." Finn said, unsmiling. "But it doesn't seem like enough does it?"

"No, it doesn't. Don't worry though, well make more time, somehow." Gene said, he reached out his hand to cradle Finn's check and leaned in to kiss his pouting lips. "Now get the hell to class! You'll be lucky if you're only five minutes late!"

Gene rushed out of their room, leaving a sulky, though not entirely unhappy Phineas to scramble for his books and arrive only a few minutes late for first period Trigonometry.

~xXx~

The buzzing murmur of the dining hall was a level and consistent hum, a hum you could tune out if you were accustomed to it. And as Phineas and Gene were both very accustomed to it they had no trouble keeping their conversation between the two of them and only the two of them. As an extra precaution they were seated at the end of the hall at an old, rickety table which usually stood vacant due to its creaky hinges and suspicious stains.

"I still can't believe it." Finn was saying, keeping his voice low as he spoke over a cold and slightly over aged lunch to Gene.

"What's there not to believe?" Gene asked, sipping orange juice from a smudged glass. Everything seemed second hand and dirty with the war on. Anything half decent was shipped overseas to the troops.

"I just didn't think you were…you know like "_that_", like me." Finn answered looking around discreetly to make sure no one was listening in.

"Did you think you were the only one?" Gene asked, smirking slightly. It felt odd, having the edge on Finn for once.

"Maybe the only one at Devon anyway, for the longest time I thought I'd change, I thought I'd meet some girl and feel…I don't know, the way I was _**supposed**_ to feel about girls. Never happened I guess."

"I know what you mean." Gene said, "I felt the same way too and probably would still, if not for Alfred."

Finn nearly choked on his drink.

"The librarian?" He asked, trying to keep his voice quiet and urgent at the same time.

"Yes, the librarian. He's actually a really nice guy, I'll introduce you sometime."

"But you mean he's…" Finn looked over his shoulder, "He's one of us, and he's a fairy?"

"One of us yes, but he prefers the term invert, apparently it's what they called people like us in Germany before the war."

"He's German!" Finn demanded, again almost spewing up his drink.

"Yes, and you don't need to give me that look, not all Germans are Nazis. He fled the country once he saw where it was headed. He's on our side." Gene stared at his food, obviously not interested in it and thinking about something else. "Actually he's the one who suggested I read the _Symposium_." He stated, as if this, for good and all, proved the man's worth.

"Oh yeah, you said you'd tell me that story sometime, how about now?" Finn asked.

"Is this the best place?" Gene said, looking around the crowded dining hall.

"It's good enough, no one's paying attention to us; they probably think you're just tutoring me in Latin or something." Phineas responded. Desperate for the story, especially since it seemed to be something secret, something not meant for the ears of others.

"Ok, well here it goes. The myth comes from the _Symposium, _one of the Socratic dialogues of Plato. It starts out with a meeting of famous Athenians including Socrates. Their having a feast at this guy's house to celebrate his new, very successful, play, and one of them proposes the idea of everyone in the room giving a speech in praise of Love. They all decide to do it and go around the room talking about all the virtues of Love and how it makes men noble and good and gentle. But, the love they were praising …" Gene glanced around the room, "...was love between two men."

"No way! They had that back then? Like Socrates and all the rest were… were like us?" Finn asked, bewildered.

"Yes, apparently it was common, and even considered honorable then." Gene answered. He continued his story.

"One of them narrates a myth to illustrate his point. In the beginning, men and women were made up of two halves, of two bodies to make one whole. They each had four arms, four legs, and two faces. They were immensely powerful and strong and eventually defied the gods. So Zeus decided to separate them, he cut each of them in half, so they only had a pair of limbs and one face, this way they became weaker yet they were still alive to offer sacrifices to the gods. Now, before they were split each of these creatures was made up in one of three ways, they could be made up of a male and female fused together, or of a male and a male, or a female and a female. And once they were parted they spent all their lives searching for their missing half, the man or woman they were once fused with. Those who were originally made up of two male halves would search for and fall in love with, a man ; while those who were made up of a male and female half would search for a woman to marry. And once they found that person they never left them, they just embraced them and forgot everything else, eventually these ones dies from lack of food and water."

"That's what I meant when I said we'd be like the original humans, Finn." Gene said

"I don't see the big deal; just make sure you find your missing half in a well-supplied kitchen." Finn replied nonchalantly.

"But that's the myth the Greeks had to explain why people fall in love, and why some men fall in love with women, while other men fall in love with men, and some women fall in love with women. Everyone's searching for their missing half, the person that will make them whole again."

"That's beautiful Gene." Finn said

The lunch period ended with the toll of the bell and Gene and Finn were off…to different classes. They stared at each other as they slowly prepared to leave. Each read the look in the others eye, they didn't want to leave, even an hour apart felt like torture. And they couldn't even hug or kiss before they had to be separated. They reluctantly gathered their things and walked down the corridors, each knowing they could only walk together for so long before they would have to part. Eventually they reached the marble staircase, Finn's geography class was one flight below and Gene's advanced English was two flights above.

"See you at the dorm I guess." Gene said, feeling awkward and saddened by the impending isolation. "I don't want to leave either Finn." He said.

"I know, bye Gene." Phineas turned around to leave as Gene did the same. Suddenly Gene felt hands on his shoulders turning him around. Before he could think Finn was wrapping his arms around his neck.

"I love you Gene." Finn whispered in his ear. He held Gene tighter as if he thought he might at any moment be swept away forever. He held him almost to the point of pain, a pain Gene would have gladly embraced. Quickly, with the speed of someone making an unpleasant act more bearable by having it over and done with, Finn gave Gene one last squeeze and left. Gene stood at the landing of the steps watching Finn glide down the stairs. Without even the slightest thought he rushed down after him, and caught him by the arm, almost making him fall.

"I love you too Finny." He quickly kissed Finns check and smiled at him before bounding up the steps. Finn stood gently feeling his cheek with his hand, watching Gene race up the stairs.


End file.
